WARNING: this post is all about my period, so if you’re a guy reading this, or just don’t want to know then it might be best you stop reading now.
Ok, you have been warned…..
I don’t understand the point of getting my period. I remember as a teenager and into my twenties that my period was an inconvenience, some annoying little consideration when planning for a holiday or supermarket shop. Through the last few years of TTC it’s been absolutely heartbreaking, a monthly reminder of another failed attempt. Now it’s just fucking frustrating. I mean, my body doesn’t work, I can’t produce decent eggs, I’m never going to get pregnant the ‘normal’ way so why does my body pretend that I will. Um hello body parts, do you think you could talk to each other for once?!? It’s like working in the most disorganised office ever, all the workers are just doing their own little thing and not communicating! I’m surprised I manage to get myself out of bed in the morning! (cue joke from husband that I don’t)
Imagine not ever getting your period if you were truly infertile, it would be emotionally easier wouldn’t it. Aside from knowing from a young age that you couldn’t have a child the ‘normal’ way (and therefore would have longer to adjust to this fact), you also wouldn’t have to go through the years of trying, trials and testing only to find out your body was useless all along. Imagine not experiencing that monthly heartache, or being able to skip all those charming visits with dildocam, or not spending thousands of dollars on procedures and processes that were never going to work to start with. If you could just do some kind of litmus test to show where on the spectrum you sit so you could skip straight to that step and deal with it. Ah, so much simpler, I guess it’ free to dream.
So it’s that time of the month again and my little clockwork cycle goes on. I could set my watch by it. I don’t need the constant hunger, the short-temperedness, the cramps or the spotting, I KNOW when it’s period time because it’s always 28 days to the minute! What would usually be the dream cycle length for trying to conceive is now just a pain in the neck (or perhaps more aptly, the tum). I wish my body would just realise that its eggs are shit and call this whole period thing off. I mean, I don’t want to go through menopause or anything, I’d like to be able to have a child when we can coordinate a donor cycle, but it would be nice if my body could just carry on as usual without the need for tampons/cramps/moods/hunger…..just push pause until we’re ready to start DEIVF. Yeah, thanks body, that would be great.
Ok, rant over. As you were.