Does another door open?

It’s been a long wait since completing our adoption workshop at the end of May to now. They did say it can take a long time to be assigned a social worker but after about seven weeks of waiting I decide to give them a call just to make sure we’re actually on the list. A friendly conversation and 3 hours later we have a social worker. She seems lovely and arranges our first home visit, a meet and greet, for the following week, eek! I expect myself to be a bit nervous but by the time the day rolls around I find I’m eager to meet her and not nervous at all.

Just as her phone manner suggests, she’s fantastic; friendly, bubbly, a really nice person. We chat for about an hour as she tells us a bit about herself and we talk through a bit of what we’ve been through to get to this point. At one stage I nearly cry but manage to pull myself together and laugh it off, man infertility sucks. She asks if we’re done with fertility treatments and we mention our upcoming DEIVF. I knew this would be a contentious issue as it had been mentioned in our workshops that should you have an active adoption profile (that is shown to birth parents) it would be put on hold until after your treatment is completed. I was secretly hoping that we’d be able to continue on with the assessment portion of the adoption process regardless and just put our profile on hold should we actually make it to that point.

Our social worker checks with her supervisor the next day and it’s not great news, our file is closed until after treatment. They say it’s an easy click of the button to reopen it, but it just sounds so final – “closed”, not “on hold” but “closed”. Oh well, nothing can be done about it so it’s not worth worrying about. It’s funny though, they fully expect our DEIVF to work and I fully expect the opposite. They think I’ll be pregnant and won’t need adoption, I feel like saying “Cool, I’ll talk to you in a few months then”. I’m trying my hardest to overcome this negativity and sense of impending doom but after three and half years of nothing working it’s bloody hard to believe that something will.

So our focus shifts solely to our IVF treatment for now. And where are we with that? Well, after what seems like a lifetime of a wait, our donor has finally completed all her tests and checks, and we’ve completed ours – I’m guessing they’ve all come back fine as I haven’t heard anything to the contrary. We’ve completed our mandatory counselling sessions, both as individual couples, and together with the four of us. Despite having already chatted a lot to our donor and her partner about our thoughts, feelings, and intentions for the future, I find the counselling sessions useful and come out feeling like we’ve covered all the bases. I understand that things are never set in stone, and any one of us could alter how we think or feel about the process and outcome at any stage, but for now I think we’re in a good place.

Essentially we’re ready to go. I await my ‘day one’ and from there we should have a timeline of events locked in place. Fingers crossed in a few months time I’ll be baking a bun, and I don’t mean bread.

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5 responses to “Does another door open?

  • spiritbabycomehome

    Wow. I really hear and feel you about the impending doom and how hard it is to shake. I actually went into my first DE IVF with such high hopes and a sense of optimism so when I got pregnant and then lost it almost as soon as it was detected, I wanted to die all over again. We have two embies left but now I can’t help feeling hopeless. I hope that changes for me and I truly, deeply hope that you can find a way to be cautiously optimistic and open to the possibility that DE IVF really will be the miracle you’ve been waiting for so long.

  • NotSoNewtoIVF

    Glad everything is moving on with the donor hon x

  • rosiedd78

    Hi! I’ve nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Check out my blog for details 🙂
    http://planyblog.wordpress.com/2014/08/01/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

  • Magic00

    Fingers crossed for you. We were on the adoption list for 5 years and had given up all hope. We were finally chosen in June but are still waiting for the birth mother to sign the papers. We also have an 8 year old daughter through IVF. It is a difficult journey when you can’t naturally have kids. For us they were not able to determine why which made it very hard. Hoping to bring baby no 2 home soon. Hang in there, it will be a real test for both of you, stay strong.

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