Day 4 (written 2nd February 2015)

It’s day four. A day when we should be seeing our embies compacting and forming morula (a compact ball of 8-16 cells). After the morula stage our embies will hopefully form into blastocysts which is what we want them to be for both testing and transfer into me.   Our wee Bumbles are doing well and we current have:

  • 2 x early blastocyst
  • 4 x morula
  • 12 x compacting
  • 6 x 8 cell
  • 2 x 6 cell

It’s great news. Our two 6-cell embies probably won’t make it but at least some of the 8-cell embryos will hopefully progress through to later stages.

Me on the other hand, today I’m not doing so well, and I don’t even know why. I had a great sleep but, after a few days of feeling positive, am all a bit doom and gloom again today. I’m not quite at the “this isn’t going to work” stage but I’m not as sure as was over the weekend that it will. I need to snap out of it.

I did manage to have some acupuncture today though which made the physical me feel better even if I couldn’t get a handle on the mental me. This acupuncturist was recommended (and booked) by a lovely friend, and was totally different to the acupuncture I get at home. My acupuncturist at home is much harsher, for want of a better word, using stronger needles and more manipulation, a very traditional Chinese style. Today’s session was much softer – more Japanese in style as my US acupuncturist said – and more relaxing.

I normally come out of acupuncture feeling physically good (although I have to admit it’s often painful and I don’t feel better until a few hours after the session) but somewhat drained. The intense needles and manipulation can hurt sometimes and it takes a lot out of you, but you do end up feeling better for it. Today’s session was almost the opposite. Softer needles, no manipulation, and I exited the appointment feeling almost dreamy. Totally relaxed, body feeling great, with a euphoric buzz. It was fantastic. Physically better without the pain or endurance factor. I only wish this acupuncturist could come back to New Zealand with me.

Unfortunately the acupuncture didn’t do anything to regenerate the “this is totally going to work” vibe. My body is dehydrated of electrolytes, there are issues with my ‘heart blood’ and my yin is down – not a good thing when this is supposedly what opens your uterus to embrace an embryo – and this news gets me down. I’m told to get some electrolytes into me, try a herbal supplement to help calm the mind, and to do some fun silly things that bring me true joy and open my heart up to get everything flowing again.

I’m trying my hardest but I just can’t seem to make that happen today. Hopefully tomorrow will bring a brighter me.

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