When saying so little says so much (written 17th February 2015)

The disappointing news comes Thursday. I hear back from San Diego and they’re not keen on moving my blood test forward, preferring instead to leave it as the 16th to try and avoid a false negative, “to err on the side of caution” as they put it. Luckily it doesn’t last long as when I message my clinic here to tell them we need to leave the test date as Monday, they come back with “oh don’t be silly, just come and do a sneaky one for us on Friday and we won’t tell San Diego” WOOHOO!

I’m anxious as I wake on Friday, rushing to do another pregnancy test (I’ve already done 5 others) just to make sure Bumble and/or Bee are still there before I head for my bloods. It’s crazy I know but I’m just so scared everything is going to disappear. It’s still positive, phew. Breakfast, bloods and off to work. And the fretful wait begins.

I expect the call to come around 1pm as results calls in the past have always come around then, it doesn’t. I wait and wait, convinced that something’s gone wrong. I can almost hear our favourite nurse saying to us “I’m sorry darling, it’s not the result we were hoping for”, we’ve certainly heard that often enough, we know the drill. Still no phone call. By 3pm I’m really panicking and email the clinic asking if they’ve heard anything. I feel bad because I know how busy they are but I’m absolutely beside myself.

Five minutes later the call comes. I’m in the toilet, typical! I rush out (don’t worry, I was done) and try to think where I can go to take the call. “Can you talk?” our favourite nurse asks. “Hold on, I’ll just pop into a Quiet Room” as I duck into one of the tiny quiet rooms in the office….”You’ll hop into a quiet room and scream” says our nurse. “Will I?”, “Yes, you will. Are you ready? Are you sitting down?” “Yeeeeeees”, “Congratulations darling, you’re well and truly knocked up!” I can’t talk. “I’m going to cry” I manage to whisper. This is so surreal.

She runs through my numbers, which go in one ear and out the other. I’m trying not to cry too much as one of the girls who works with my husband is sitting just outside the room I’m in and there are windows – don’t want to give the game away at this stage! I’m absolutely amazed, stunned, thankful. The rest of the conversation is a bit of a blur, and I end up emailing her afterwards to make sure I’ve got everything I need to know.

Now to find my husband. He’s gone AWOL. I eventually get a message to him, ‘meet me in the basement carpark.’ He finally turns up and I tell him the news. We’re crying, shaking, both of us a little in disbelief. We sit stunned for a few minutes, trying to chat through what’s just happened, then I have to boot him out, if we’re going to tell Mum in the way we want to tonight I need to get to the shops!

I dash up the road to a shop where I saw a Buzzy Bee frame earlier in the week while hunting something else. I grab that. Then off to another part of town to buy the bumble bee booties I’d found online, and finally a Kodak shop to print a photo of our digital pregnancy test. I also grab some picture books for my siblings, but more on those later. That all took a little longer than expected but I manage to get back to work and get some work done before it’s time to head to Mum’s. A quick detour home to throw everything together (something I couldn’t have done in our open plan office) and we’re off to Mum’s place.

It’s my brother’s birthday and he’s at Mum’s for drinks before he goes elsewhere for dinner. We really don’t want to hijack his birthday so decide not to tell him and his partner until later in the weekend. It’s impossibly hard sitting there chatting for an hour or so, trying to pretend everything’s normal when we’re actually bursting with excitement, but we achieve our goal. My brother leaves for his dinner and we settle down into the comfy seats in the lounge.

I pass Mum a bag of stuff we’d bought her while we were in America and on top is a little black box containing my purchases from earlier in the day. Lucky for us she grabs this first as I’m not sure I could’ve waited too much longer. She takes off the lid and looks perplexed as she lifts the booties out of the box. She stared at them confused and jokes “am I supposed to give these back to you at some stage?” I smile and she delves back into the box pulling out the photo frame. “Is this…? Are you…?” she exclaims as she looks up at me. I raise my eyebrows, nod, and smile in affirmation. And all hell breaks loose…

It’s a better reaction that I could ever have imagined and I’ll forever kick myself that we didn’t film it. My Mum leaps off her chair, screams, hands over mouth, tears streaming down her face. Her feet start running on the spot before dashing to me for a big hug then continuing to traverse frantically around the room, all while her hand cover her squealing mouth in shock. This goes on for a good minute. It’s amazing. “Let’s celebrate!” both my Mum and hubby cry. “Champagne!” “Yeah great, champagne,” I say laughingly “I’ll have a water please”



7 responses to “When saying so little says so much (written 17th February 2015)

  • rayplaag02

    Aaaand I’m crying. Congratulations & well done to your Mum for a great performance – those reactions are the best!

  • spiritbabycomehome

    I wish I could have had a moment like that with my mother. I’m very happy for you and hoping all is well these days.

  • Julie

    I had searched the internet for infertility blogs from a New Zealand writer and came across yours a couple of weeks ago.. I read through the whole thing in a few days and have been holding my breath that you had finally got your miracle… funny how you can be so happy for someone that you don’t even know! Huge congratulations and thank you for the informative writing and the hope that your story has given me. All the best.

    • waitingforbumble

      Thank you sooo much for your lovely message. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed reading the blog, writing it has been such a life saver for me, and I’m happy it’s given you hope. From your message I’m guessing you’re also an NZer going through something similar….I’m more than happy to chat any time you need it.

  • missrain

    Ahhh! Happy tears! I love reading these updates!

  • Fleur

    I’m a fellow kiwi living in Melbourne and I’ve just read the last couple of months of your blog. What a great read! I’m lying in bed trying to distract myself before my egg retrieval tomorrow and trying not to cry too loudly or I’ll wake my partner up. So so happy for you both. x

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