Could this be your birthday?

I’m totally freaking out. We’ve just arrived home from an appointment with our obstetrician and, assuming we make it that far without me going into labour first, we have a birthday for our boys. I feel like I’ve taken some kind of illicit substance. My heart is pounding, my blood is pulsating, my head is running at a million miles an hour.  I’m excited and nervous and completely overwhelmed all at the same time. Ok, I’m TOTALLY shitting myself and all of a sudden have cold feet.

Am I fit to be a parent? How can I be trusted with these two little people’s wellbeing? I don’t even feel old enough to look after myself sometimes! Am I too selfish to be a mum? What if I can’t do it? Will I be able to breastfeed? And how in the hell do you even pick up two babies at once?!?!

We’d received our pre-admission appointment paperwork in the mail last week (basically an appointment to meet the anesthetist and talk through any pre-op questions we may have) so we knew something was in the pipeline, but I still wasn’t entirely prepared for getting a birth date today. Our obstetrician has been so chilled out I guess I just thought it was still a while away….or maybe I didn’t, I guess I just hadn’t really thought at all.

So, after having that bombshell dropped on us at the beginning of the session he proceeded to take my blood pressure, which of course was sky high – Um hello! You’ve just told me when our babies will definitely be here by, of course my blood pressure’s going crazy! He waits a minute then takes it again and it’s dropped at little (145/87) but is still not ideal. I’m sure it’s just because I was excited (read ‘freaking out’) but it’s enough to switch me from a fortnightly to a weekly check-up.

Next he has a look at the boys. As previously mentioned, our scan last week was a bit of a concern with both boys growth rate having dropped off a fair bit. We talk him through some of the things our sonographer had said at the scan and mention that we didn’t have much faith in her. That seems to relieve him a little and when he measures the leading twin (who has actually been twin 2, or Bee, up until recently) he relaxes further as his measurements put Bee around 1900g rather than the 1400g the sonographer had measured. 1400g means only a 50g per week growth rate whereas 1900g is much closer to the 200g per week expectation. Unfortunately our other little munchkin was hiding up under my ribs so too hard to measure given the short timeframe of our appointment.

Our obstetrician gives us a quick run down of the c-section process – with one breech baby and one transverse baby it’s still a c-section regardless at this stage – and gives me forms for scans and blood tests. We’ll continue our fortnightly growth scans but are now adding in a weekly Doppler check to assess the blood flow/placental function and make sure the boys are still being nourished.

And then we’re done. We book in for a longer appointment with him next week to discuss our birth plan – something that will be somewhat different to a normal person’s given our current situation, but will give us an opportunity to chat through a c-section in greater detail and note down our preferences on the few things we DO have control over.

As we hop into the car to head home the reality begins to sink in and my ‘high on drugs’ and ‘totally shitting myself’ feelings explode. I need to get a grip or I’ll be sending myself into premature labour! Oh, and the magical date that’s caused this tailspin? Monday the 5th of October. In non-American date format that’s 5/10/15 which appeals nicely to my organisational (read OCD) tendencies. Ignore your mum’s freak-out boys, I really can’t wait to meet you…..but please not until the 5th of October.

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