Category Archives: Adoption

Give us a break!

So I’m bawling again. Damn whoremones. I’ve just finished watching a BBC piece on IVF, on Louise Brown (the first ever IVF baby), and on future children born through this process. It’s really hit a nerve. I’m just so grateful that this treatment was developed, that it’s become common place, that technology has continued to develop, and that we’re fortunate enough to now be expecting our little miracles, all because of science.

I’ll forever be thankful to everyone involved in our treatment and to everyone who has gone before, paving the way for the multitude of infertiles desperate for a family.

At one point in the piece they work through comments from viewers and of course there’s a good old negative nelly amongst them. “IVF is selfish when so many kids need adopting.” It’s hard not to get angry or upset with views like this but I find the further through our process we’ve come the better I’ve got at dealing with it. I now feel a little sorry for people holding an anti-IVF view, especially when it comes to the adoption piece. They’re just uneducated on the topic, it’s really not their fault, and I need to remember that.

The majority of the time it’s not a personal attack and if many of them knew the facts around IVF and around adoption, they wouldn’t hold this view. Of course there’s always some for whom it’s “unnatural” or whatever but hey, you can’t win ‘em all.

Personally IVF saved me and saved my sanity. I honestly cannot imagine a life without children – I know for some the childfree life is their dream, but not for me. At multiple times throughout our journey the thought of staring down the hole of a lifetime of childlessness has almost been too much, and the fact that I now have the chance to have a family, through utilising the IVF process, is a total mindsaver.

Of course we considered other options, a genetic relation to our child or children wasn’t a deal-breaker for us. We looked seriously into adoption and were working our way through the adoption process when we had our successful IVF treatment but with only roughly a 5%-10% chance of being able to take home a child through adoption here, the chances of this happening for us were pretty slim.

It also always baffles me that people call us IVFers selfish for trying IVF instead of adoption. Why aren’t they saying that to every pregnant or parenting person out there? Surely if IVF is selfish then so is a “normal” conception! Why are you creating another child when there are supposedly (although not in reality) so many children out there needing homes?!? Surely what holds true for one should hold true for all in this sense.

The other major argument that gets bandied about a lot is that it’s not natural but really, what’s not natural about it? All it is is sperm and egg meeting, just as it would in a human body when all parties involved have ‘normally’ functioning body parts. All that changes is the setting that this meeting of sperm & egg occurs in. Of course there are variations on this, just as there are variations on the types of infertility, but if you boil it down to pure basics it’s sperm and egg meeting, bonding and implanting in a woman’s uterus. There’s nothing unnatural about that.

“But it’s not what [insert name of religious/spiritual being here] intended.” Now personally I’m not a religious person so I can’t identify with this statement, not that I would be able to even if I was religious, but if that’s what you truly believe then:

If it’s not [insert name of religious/spiritual being here]’s desire for us infertiles to be able to have children via IVF then why did he/she/it allow IVF to develop?

If this scientific development that allows couples to have children is against [insert name of religious/spiritual being here]’s will then surely this theory must hold true for all illnesses/diseases/accidents. Cancer patients shouldn’t get chemotherapy or other life-saving treatments, people in accidents shouldn’t be given medical care to enable them to survive, in fact any person requiring medical treatment shouldn’t be able to receive it – if it’s [insert name of religious/spiritual being here]’s desire that these people have these issues and can’t recover or live normally without medical assistance then why should they be given that medical assistance.

But infertility is not life-threatening? Neither are a high percentage of things that people go to the doctor for. Should people be refused antibiotics or other medications because their illness isn’t life-threatening and their body might recover on it’s own? If your answer to this is “No” then how can you possibly answer “Yes” to the same question applied to infertility? Infertility is almost always caused by a medical condition or issue which stops a couple from able to conceive (and I say “almost always” here because in a very VERY small percentage of cases it’s just bad luck and a couple will go on to conceive if they just keep trying. But that is by far the minority.)

Now of course there will be some people who answer “Yes” to the above questions and it’s ok that you hold a totally different opinion to my own but please, PLEASE, do not force your opinions onto me or call me names. Just as I’m happy for people to believe in whatever religion they choose, the second that these beliefs start negatively impacting on others who don’t share the same ideals those opinions become harmful, and intentionally harming others just isn’t cool. No one’s making you do IVF if you don’t believe in it but please don’t condemn others who feel it’s the path they need to follow. By all means express your opinion but don’t degrade, name-call, or try to force other people to conform to your beliefs. I’m expressing my opinion here on this blog but I’m not forcing you to read it and I’m not forcing you to change your beliefs, merely asking you to give a break to others who hold differing views.

IVF is allowing me to have a family, one I would more than likely not be able to have through other means, and for that I am truly grateful regardless of anyone else’s opinion.


Does another door open?

It’s been a long wait since completing our adoption workshop at the end of May to now. They did say it can take a long time to be assigned a social worker but after about seven weeks of waiting I decide to give them a call just to make sure we’re actually on the list. A friendly conversation and 3 hours later we have a social worker. She seems lovely and arranges our first home visit, a meet and greet, for the following week, eek! I expect myself to be a bit nervous but by the time the day rolls around I find I’m eager to meet her and not nervous at all.

Just as her phone manner suggests, she’s fantastic; friendly, bubbly, a really nice person. We chat for about an hour as she tells us a bit about herself and we talk through a bit of what we’ve been through to get to this point. At one stage I nearly cry but manage to pull myself together and laugh it off, man infertility sucks. She asks if we’re done with fertility treatments and we mention our upcoming DEIVF. I knew this would be a contentious issue as it had been mentioned in our workshops that should you have an active adoption profile (that is shown to birth parents) it would be put on hold until after your treatment is completed. I was secretly hoping that we’d be able to continue on with the assessment portion of the adoption process regardless and just put our profile on hold should we actually make it to that point.

Our social worker checks with her supervisor the next day and it’s not great news, our file is closed until after treatment. They say it’s an easy click of the button to reopen it, but it just sounds so final – “closed”, not “on hold” but “closed”. Oh well, nothing can be done about it so it’s not worth worrying about. It’s funny though, they fully expect our DEIVF to work and I fully expect the opposite. They think I’ll be pregnant and won’t need adoption, I feel like saying “Cool, I’ll talk to you in a few months then”. I’m trying my hardest to overcome this negativity and sense of impending doom but after three and half years of nothing working it’s bloody hard to believe that something will.

So our focus shifts solely to our IVF treatment for now. And where are we with that? Well, after what seems like a lifetime of a wait, our donor has finally completed all her tests and checks, and we’ve completed ours – I’m guessing they’ve all come back fine as I haven’t heard anything to the contrary. We’ve completed our mandatory counselling sessions, both as individual couples, and together with the four of us. Despite having already chatted a lot to our donor and her partner about our thoughts, feelings, and intentions for the future, I find the counselling sessions useful and come out feeling like we’ve covered all the bases. I understand that things are never set in stone, and any one of us could alter how we think or feel about the process and outcome at any stage, but for now I think we’re in a good place.

Essentially we’re ready to go. I await my ‘day one’ and from there we should have a timeline of events locked in place. Fingers crossed in a few months time I’ll be baking a bun, and I don’t mean bread.

Hidden gems

I first met my older sister when I was 22. Seems strange I know but in the 70’s it just wasn’t acceptable for an unmarried teenage girl to give birth to and parent a child, so my sister was adopted out not long after she was born. Growing up, the only girl in my then two-child household, I always dreamed of having a sister – more so in teenage years when my brother, going through that teenage boy stage, disappeared into his room for 4 years or so. My best friend at the time had (and still has) two sisters and I was always jealous of the relationship between them, yes plenty of fighting and I wasn’t jealous of that, but also so much fun and sharing that just doesn’t happen between boy and girl as teenagers…..clothes, make-up, boy-stories.

I remember the day I truly found out about my sister. I say truly because apparently I discovered her adoption papers when I was a child and thought that I was adopted, but I don’t remember that. When I truly found out about my sister, and remember finding out about her, I was fourteen. At first I didn’t believe my mum, thinking she was talking complete rubbish. I remember phoning my nana (my dad’s mum) to check with her, needing someone to corroborate the story. Unfortunately she wasn’t much help, she’d been in hospital around the time my sister was born and because it was such a secret she was never really kept in the loop, it wasn’t that she didn’t remember at all, she was just a bit vague on the details. I’m not sure if I asked my dad or not but something finally made me believe I had a sister out there somewhere and from that moment on I fantasised about being able to meet her.

Because of the way adoptions were once carried out in this country my parents never knew where my sister had ended up. The only way children and birth-parents were reconnected was if they both independently made contact with social services requesting contact information for the other. I remember asking Mum every once in a while “has she made contact yet?” only to be disappointed with a shake of the head. Multiple times I had random people say “Oh you look so familiar, are you blah-blah’s sister?” and every time I would shrug, secretly wondering if maybe I was.
Finally in my early twenties, I asked my mum again, “Has she made contact yet?” and although Mum tried to say no, I knew she had. I’ve almost always been close to my mum and I generally know when she’s trying to hide something. Turns out contact had been relatively recent so Mum wanted a chance to meet and get to know my sister first, which I completely understood, although it did nothing to alleviate my longing to meet her.

The day finally arrived where I got my near-life-long wish, and we travelled to my sister’s house to meet. I was so nervous but also incredibly excited. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a pretty shy person so meeting new people, especially those as important as this, terrifies me. I wasn’t sure what to say, wasn’t sure if she’d like me, or if she’d resent me in some way for growing up with my parents. I have to admit, I’ve often wondered how different my life would be (assuming I was still conceived) had we grown up together. Would it have made hard times like my parents separation easier? Would I be a better or stronger person today having had her in my life all those years? Would we even have got along when we were younger or would we fight like cat and dog (or cat and cat in my household) – an annoying younger sister getting in the way of her life? I guess it doesn’t really matter does it, it didn’t happen and that’s that.

So we meet and it’s great and awkward and scary all at once. I remember my mum taking a photo of the two of us, complaining we were both pulling a silly face and taking another. A week later we get the photos (this is back in the days of film) and both our expressions are the same – first the ‘silly one’ then the smile. I am amazed at how two people who have never met can be so similar (genes are strange things), and finally feel like our family is whole again.

Over the intervening years we’ve regularly kept in touch and both our families (though that seems weird to write “both” as to me we all feel like one family now) have spent time together and gotten closer. Unfortunately distance and shyness has delayed the degree of closeness I would like but I feel, especially over the last year or so, that we’re getting there, and it makes me so happy. She was all I ever wanted growing up and despite loving her to bits now (as I do all my siblings) and enjoying hanging out, I can’t help but think of all the lost years between us. My hubby thinks that all this talk of loss at our adoption workshops has made me feel this way but I think it’s always been there, the only difference is I now know what to label it, that hole in my tummy. Loss.

It makes me thankful that adoptions are more open now. It may be a little harder initially but the idea that both birth and adoptive families get to play a role in a child’s life creates a sense of relief in me. I’m sure sometimes things just don’t work out and the two sets of families drift apart, but just having the opportunity to be present in a child’s life and having the option of a relationship with both origin and upbringing can remove a lot of the hurt potentially felt by both sides. Personally I think it would have helped me a great deal, although as a minor player in the game I know it’s not about me, but uniting with my sister and her family now, I know it would’ve been great to know them all along.

More Ways to Care

Having had a wee break from blogging over June and into July, it occurs to me that I never really wrote about the second day of our adoption workshop, so here’s an update on what happened on day two.

The second, and last, day of our ‘Ways to Care’ workshop was slightly less daunting than the first. We knew somewhat what to expect and had been assured by the facilitators the week before that day two was an easier, less emotional, ride. Well, it was and it wasn’t. It was definitely easier in the sense that there was less talk about the often-abused and troubled children that were out there needing care, less heartache at not being able to help more, but it was much harder in the sense that the focus was on us and we had to explore ourselves and our past in order to proceed with our future.

I’m not going to lie, overall I had a very happy and privileged childhood, but I found parts of the day emotionally challenging and a little confronting. Let’s face it, regardless of how you grew up we all have issues as adults, though the range and scope of those issues vary greatly from person to person. So we work through our attachment style/s, how our family showed love, praise, discipline, and I find myself delving into long buried thoughts and feelings, questioning why I now behave the way that I do.

I realise I don’t know enough about myself as a child, I can remember certain events more so than I remember how I felt or behaved, and it strikes me that I remember much less about my childhood before my parent’s separation than after it. Although this may primarily be due to my age at the time (I was roughly two weeks shy of my ninth birthday when they split), I sometimes wonder if the trauma of their separation – yep, I took it hard – has somehow made me block my earlier childhood. In later conversations with my husband we manage to pry some more memories to the surface, but they certainly take a lot of coaxing.

It’s not like their split completely ruined my childhood or anything, I did find it really hard & it wasn’t a pretty divorce by any stretch of the imagination, but I don’t feel like it permanently destroyed my happiness. Yes, it impacted me greatly and yes it changed the way I behave but there were many moments of joy amongst the despair, and I certainly don’t look back on that time as all bad.

I was always a shy child and remember needing Mum or Dad to stay with me when starting any new activities. Changing schools was always traumatic and although I was never without friends, I found the prospect of being essentially alone and needing to meet new people daunting. As we work to assign attachment styles to our earlier selves I struggle to categorise myself, feeling like I fall somewhere between ambivalent and secure depending on the situation and era of my childhood.

It’s strange because I feel like I should fit more into the ambivalent attachment style but at the same time I don’t feel, other than perhaps through my parent’s separation, that I was lacking in parental attention. It’s hard to know how much of my insecurity was due to attachment and how much was just me being shy (a seemingly genetic trait in my family). It makes sense that it could be attachment, I was a premature baby due to the fact that my Mum was ill with a virus, so it’s possible I didn’t have that bonding time when born. However as I say I never felt like I had to hold tight to my parents to retain their attention, more because I was scared of the unknown world outside, and when upset by the outside world I was consoled again upon seeing my parents. I decide to park the thought and ask Mum about it later.

After exploring our own early lives, a panel of women come in to talk to us, each of them experienced one way or another in caring for a child that is not genetically their own. One is a transitional caregiver, caring for a child between placements/homes, who could look after a child from as little as a few days to as much as many years; another is a ‘Home for Life’ parent, essentially like adoption only the birth parents retain legal guardianship of the child as well; and the final one is a woman who has adopted children into her home as babies. This ends up being the best part of the day, or even the entire two day workshop, and I feel I learn a great deal from their experiences and views…..I think I could probably talk to them all day given half the chance. It was great.

After the panel discussion there’s a brief section on the organisation and the process from here, and then we’re free to go. We register our interest in domestic adoption, are told we’re now on the list to be assigned a social worker for home visits, and head home to reflect on the day and fill in the copious amounts of homework in our workbooks.

Ways to care

Today was the first in our next step along the adoption path, day one of the ‘Ways to Care’ workshop. Scheduled from 9am-4:30pm, today’s focus was all around the children and the birth family, with day two (next weekend) concentrating on the adoptive or foster family, the organisation (government agency “Child, Youth & Family) and the process involved in adopting or fostering a child.

Although we ended up finishing a couple of hours early today I am absolutely shattered. While I went in there prepared for the session (our 2 hour info evening had given us insight into what to expect), I wasn’t entirely ready for either the level of pain I would feel for the many children out there needing care, nor the volume of emotion it would evoke about my own life – not only about our infertility journey but also about my childhood and the adoption process my own family went through so many moons ago.

It was absolutely heartbreaking to hear once again of the number of children in this country who, through no fault of their own, find themselves in a horrible situation. We learned about a child’s development (both before and after birth), attachment theory, brain development, theory of mind – which all took me back to university and the child psychology I studied there. I made a vow to dig out all my old textbooks and relearn the things I’d filed away nearly a decade ago. We spent a great deal of the session trying to view things from the child’s perspective, discussing how they could be feeling, why they might be behaving the way they are, why things we see as positives could be seen as scary in the child’s eye.

It’s awful to think that there are so many children out there who have a less than ideal start to life and how things that happen before they’re even truly aware of them can affect their lives for good. Add into that the children who have had multiple foster placements and the picture seems very bleak. While we were there primarily for adoption, the fostering section was good to talk through and it certainly opened my mind up to the idea of fostering a child. I know right now that our heart is set on adoption but I’ve now begun to include fostering as a potential direction our future could take somewhere down the track.

So you’re sitting there and your heart is breaking for these kids and you can’t help but delve into your own life for comparisons. We’re asked to think about a significant person from our childhood and the qualities that made this person great – trust, reliability, unconditional love – qualities that most of these kids would never have experienced. We can’t help but assign an attachment type to ourselves and wonder at what made us like that. Now I’m not saying my childhood was perfect, I don’t think there is such a thing, but on the whole I had a happy one. It’s saddening to think that many of these children don’t even get a glimmer of that.

We switch our focus to the birth family and talk about how adoption has changed over the years. While the actual adoption legislation has remained the same since 1955, the way adoption is handled in this country has altered significantly. We listen to audio from people who went through the process the old “closed” way, where no contact was had between birth and adoptive parents. Many of the people on here we sent away to have their children in secret, humiliated by their relations for bringing shame to the family name. Other stories came from the children who had been adopted out. Some were told honestly and openly about their history but were most unaware that they were adopted until very late in life. The majority of both parents and children are negative on the closed process, suffering an acute feeling of loss and/or difference, a sense of lost identity and incompleteness, of not being whole.

My mind darts back, as it often does to my own family. How my mum must have felt all those years ago having to give my sister up for adoption, the thoughts my dad may have had not even being allowed to see her. I wonder at what my sister must feel and think about it all, as although reunited it’s not something we’ve ever really spoken about. From our experiences with her family (they are thankfully now our family too) she was one of the lucky ones, but I don’t, and possibly will never, know what she’s been through and how it affected her life. I make another promise to myself to break down the walls and talk to my family about it all. We’re a wonderful family but are not the best communicators, me especially!

So now the adoption process is different, open, where birth and adoptive parents communicate and contact is retained with the child. It becomes apparent during the question and answer section that this brings with it its own set of challenges. While ultimately better for the child, there is a fear among adoptive parents that the child may never truly be theirs, or that a communication breakdown with the birth parents could lead to more stress and harm. I’m not going to lie, these thoughts have crossed my mind too. On top of that I’m also a pretty shy person so worry that I may struggle to engage the birth parents and maintain a functioning relationship between us all. My worries are irrelevant though, I need to face them and move on, because what it all boils down to is what’s best for my child and I’m not going to stand in the way of that. We just need the luck and patience to find that child first. I have everything crossed.

Alternate directions

I started this post back in February and now, almost exactly two months to the day, I’m making good on my promise to myself and knuckling down to complete the job.  After multiple posts on donor egg IVF it’s time for one on adoption to even the score.  It feels good to finally be able to write something else on this front as it’s still very much an option for us even though our world seems a bit dominated with DEIVF at the moment.

So what is there to report?  Well, after a few messages back and forward I finally managed to catch up with a former work colleague who had not so long ago been through the adoption process herself.  Such a fantastic opportunity to chat through the process with someone who has firsthand experience, someone who, to make things even better, is such a lovely, bubbly, and all-round friendly person….and of course her wee 11-month old bub was just adorable!

She shared her story with me, walked me through the process step-by-step and gave me bits of advice along the way.  This is the order things happen in, make sure you go into the workshops with your head in the right space, this is what a profile looks like.  It was so helpful and now I feel a bit more prepared to tackle the long process that is adoption in NZ.  With only 5 domestic adoptions in the year to July (2013) the chances seem slim, but if she can be one of the lucky ones then why can’t we.

We’ve attended the initial 2-hour information session, as mentioned in a previous post, have submitted our applications (with police & medical checks), our referees have completed their feedback on us, and we have just received notification of, and enrolled in, the next two-day workshop.  In three and a half weeks time we’ll be attending day one (with day two the following weekend) and our adoption journey will continue.  I’ve already started thinking about creating our profile, working out what to include about ourselves, thinking of the photos we have that could go in it, though I know I’m jumping way ahead of myself.

It’s funny because although I know we’d be good parents, there’s still this little nagging fear that they won’t want us, that they won’t put us through to the next step.  I know it’s silly as I can’t think of anything in our natures or in our backgrounds that would exclude us from the adoption pool – we’re not abusive, we have loving families & friends, we’re well-educated, we have a wide variety of hobbies, our own home, financial stability, and a lot of love to give.  If anything, with the large variety of ways (including adoption) that our current family has been put together, we have added positives that make us well-rounded candidates for adoptive parents.  I guess because DEIVF and adoption are our last bastions of hope when it comes to having a family there’s a lot riding on both of them, which of course makes me worry…..and we all know how much of a contraceptive “worry” is for conception (ha! Perhaps more on that in a future post).

Although I have some idea of what to expect from the two-day workshop I’m still a little nervous about it.  A tiny part of this is my irrational fear of the audition process (that this isn’t) and not making it through, but I think a larger part is just me being shy.  I know when the day rolls around I’ll be completely fine about it and will participate and chat away with ease – after all, these people, while perhaps not in the same boat as us, are definitely floating in the same ocean.  It’s also exciting to be making progress in the adoption arena, to be taking active steps along multiple paths to becoming parents.  Bring it on, I’m more than ready for it.

So that’s the small update we have on the adoption front – two months in the making – this time next month we’ll hopefully have more to report and will, fingers crossed, be even closer to realising our dream of expanding our family.

Riding the rollercoaster

It’s official.  I am an evil person.  A girl at work is pregnant and I can’t handle it.  It’s an unannounced pregnancy but I worked out she was (because I’m a crazy infertile who has an obsession with these things) and it has been confirmed by a third party.  Anywho, she’s one of those people who you can’t imagine has a flaw – she’s absolutely gorgeous, she has a good job, recently got married, and is one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet.  She’s fabulous.  We’ve always got on well, but now that I know she’s pregnant I can hardly look at her.  Even worse she doesn’t know why so I will just seem like the ultimate bitch.  Every time I open my mouth to say “hi” I can feel my voice start to break, the tears well up, and I get overwhelmed with the unfairness of it all.  I mean she only got married 5 minutes ago!  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish her to be un-pregnant, and I wouldn’t wish fertility struggles on anyone let alone anyone as lovely as this woman, I just hurt so much at the fact that things aren’t easy for us, and the fact that I may never be a mum.

I know things are on a roll on the donor egg IVF front, and I’m so grateful for that, but at the moment I’m battling so hard with the feelings of redundantness that it’s a bit of a struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  As I’ve mentioned before, a lovely friend has offered to be our egg donor, and it’s sooo amazing.  I just feel so useless at the moment as there’s nothing at all I can do to expedite the process, I just have to sit back and wait while someone else (hopefully) makes our baby.  This is what I think of as the bottom of the rollercoaster, the low point, the drop from a great height.

Our donor has received her information and testing forms from our clinic and will start everything rolling in a few weeks time.  First, blood tests to check for cystic fibrosis, infections such as hepatitis/HIV/syphilis, and to test her AMH level to make sure she should have enough eggs.  If all that comes back normal then the doctors and counsellors visits begin, before another infection test for her and one for her husband.  Hubby and I will also have counselling appointments (and perhaps one with all four of us), as well as infection testing a month out from cycle.  It seems like a lifetime away at the moment, although I know it’s not far, so in the meantime I’m left with the task of curing my feelings of uselessness, and righting my views of the world.

I’ve got to a point where most of the time I’m fine with being around pregnant women and toddlers (although as mentioned at the start of this post, it’s still hard when it’s people I know), so I just need to rid myself of the blame and resentment of not being able to make my own baby.  I’ve been compiling a pros and cons list in my head to help with this and so far the donor list is far outweighing the own-eggs list, which is a good thing.  My list so far looks something like this:

Pros for our DEIVF cycle Cons for our DEIVF cycle
  • It’s less likely our child will be shy like me.
  • He/she won’t inherit my unruly, ‘looks like it hasn’t been brushed’ hair.
  • They’re less likely to have dodgy eyesight
  • Our child is more likely to have dimples (which I love).
  • Our child will be more likely to be confident
  • They won’t inherit my poor circulation, hyperhidrosis, or constantly feeling cold.
  • They probably won’t be as fiery as me
  • They’re less likely to have depressive tendencies/lack of confidence in self.
  • They will inherit traits of my hubs and my friend who are both gorgeous people inside and out.
  • Our child won’t inherit my shoulders (my favourite bit of my body).
  • We’ll never know who would’ve won the argument on who our child will look like & what features they’ll have (hubs wanted them to have my eyes, I wanted them to have his etc.).
  • My genetic line stops here…this could of course be considered a pro too I guess but I find it sad all the same.

The more I think about it the more I realise how similar my donor and I are, and I am truly truly grateful that we not only have someone generous enough to offer this gift but also, should we be lucky enough to have a child from this process, that they won’t be all that dissimilar to me regardless of having no genetic connection.  And here we are at the top of the rollercoaster again, feeling happy and lucky and blessed (in a non-religious way).

As a side attraction to this fairground ride, I received a phone call from Child, Youth & Family (the government agency that handles adoption in New Zealand) to say they’d received our adoption application and were sending feedback forms to our referees to gather their opinions of us and our potential ability to be parents.  It’s exciting that things are progressing on that front as well, so if the DEIVF ride breaks down or it put out of commission, all is not lost.  Now to work out how to stay at the top of this rollercoaster……


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For every girl who's ever had questions but no answers

Two Good Eggs

Two cracked eggs find the sunnyside (and funny side) of trying to conceive

Bringing Up Bumble

The quest to expand our family