Category Archives: Happiness

Happy four weeks!

Today is the boys due date and marks four weeks since their birth. Wow time really does fly! The last few weeks have been both the toughest and the happiest weeks of my life. I’ve never had so little sleep, felt so inept, or cried so many tears, but at the same time I’ve been delighted at just how magical our little boys are and have revelled in the fact that these two little men have graced us with their presence. They say the first 6 weeks are the hardest, that things can only get better, and if that’s the case things are going to be great. I’m under no illusion that this parenting gig will be easy, I know there are going to be tough times ahead but I’m optimistic that if my hubby and I can survive these few weeks (albeit with a lot of help from friends and family) we can survive almost anything. I did say that about our infertility journey though also!

So there’s not too much to report on the blur of the last four weeks. The boys have gone from tiny premature infants to more traditional newborn babies, they’re in a reasonable routine of sleep-change-feed-sleep every three hours or so, although in the last couple of days have really craved (and received) a bit more social and activity time. We’ve been told by a couple of our medical monitors that activity time shouldn’t be happening for another couple of weeks but our boys are alert and actively seeking it out so screw what they should be doing, I’m going to give them what they need….and they’re loving it!

They spent a good 10 minutes hanging out with each other on their floor mat earlier today, and absolutely loved checking each other out and interacting with each other (something they haven’t been too keen on until now.) They’re also doing amazingly with their head/neck control and seeking/maintaining eye contact, and they love their cuddle time. No smiles just yet, other than the gassy grins that come after feeding but I’m hoping we’re not too far off that.

They’re also going from strength to strength on the weight front and having been monitored by NICU Homecare, our obstetrician’s midwife, and now Plunket, have been weighed and measured on a pretty regular basis. Bee began life with a weight of 2210g, a length of 46cm, and head circumference of 32cm. He’s now (as of two days ago) 2740g, 50.5cm,and 35cm. And Bumble is doing his best to catch up, initially 1980g, 45cm and 31cm, he’s now 2370g, 49.5cm and 34.5cm. I’m so proud of them.

There have been challenging nights (and the occasional day). Mostly occurring when Bee, who suffers a fair bit from an upset tummy (lots of gas that he just can’t release despite all our best efforts and/or medication) screams hysterically and will only settle (eventually) when laying tummy to tummy on my husband. This means no sleep for hubs from around 10pm until anywhere between 4 & 6am. It’s tough, both the lack of sleep and the fact you know he’s in pain and there’s just nothing you can do about it. It’s heartbreaking.

Those times are far outweighed by the good however – the snuggles, the milestones, the funny faces pulled, the times they surprise even themselves. Bumble had a wee grizzle last night. He’s always been our quiet one, even his cries are small and cute, and last night was no different until suddenly he let out one big yell amongst his little whimpering’s and gave himself such a fright he threw his hands up, looked shocked, and shut himself up. My in-laws and I got a fright as well but proceeded to burst into fits of laughter at Bumble’s reaction to his own cry. It seems a little cruel to laugh at a cry but with the fact that he was so shocked by it himself we just couldn’t help ourselves.

We’ve been inundated with both visitors and gifts – I swear the local courier driver must think we’re running some sort of strange mail operation here with the number of times he’s come to drop stuff off, it’s nearly a daily occurrence! Fitting in all the visitors has been a little tricky as, until this week, the boys haven’t spent that much time awake and get easily overtired if stimulated (even through being held or looked at) too much. You desperately want people to come and see them – both to show them off and for the adult company – and you know how badly people want to meet them, but then you have to weigh that up with over-stimulation and the pure logistics of fitting people into their three hour cycle. Hopefully with the increase in activity time now things will get easier on that front.

We’ve also been brave enough to venture out of the house, making our first journey with the boys (other than the trip home from the hospital) to the exciting venue of the pet store when they were just under three weeks old. Since then we’ve ventured up the road for lunch – a nice stroll with them in their stroller bassinets – and to the local community centre/library for Bee’s follow-up hearing test (he passed!) The initial journey was terrifying, and I was paranoid something would go wrong, but once we had that under our belt things got a lot easier. It’s been fantastic being able to get out of the house as I was going a little stir crazy holed up in here.

My hubby and I have also managed a couple of lunches out by ourselves, thanks to my Mum babysitting. The first passed quickly in a buzz of nervousness at leaving the boys, and the second was a bit of a blur in our sleep-deprived state, but they’ve been awesome. It’s been fabulous to be able to have some ‘couple time’ so early on. Mum’s also stayed over a few nights and helped us out with the evil night-time and early morning feeds…thanks so much Mum!

My in-laws have also been amazing, coming over one to two times a week to make us dinner and take over the midnight or 1am feed using expressed milk so that my husband and I can get a decent amount of sleep in a stretch. I can’t put into words how much this helps and how much it means to us.

On top of that we’ve had other family members and friends come round with groceries, send food and gifts, help with feeds or with watching the boys while we sleep. We’re just so incredibly lucky to know the awesome people we do and to have such a massive amount of support through this time.

So that’s been the first four weeks. The boys have graduated from both NICU and midwife care and are now solely monitored by Plunket, we’re managing enough sleep to get by, and we’re rejoicing in everything our boys have to offer…except for maybe those all-nighter screams! Happy four week ‘birthday’ Bumble and Bee!

 


For my Bees

We waited for Bumble and along Bumble came,
Bringing a friend to mop up the pain.
The days and the nights of heartache and tears,
Of treatments and theories and unspoken fears.
Like tipped dominoes we watched them all fall,
As others were taken to the pregnancy ball.
How desperately we wanted to join in that group,
To be smothered in cuddles and goobies and poop.
My sweet Bumble Bees if only you knew,
How grateful we are to finally have you.
Ignore all the hormones, they’re only here for a while,
They’ll all disappear first sign of your smiles.
I know we’re the lucky ones, far from the front line,
Holding these babies who are finally mine.
Can’t wait for the future to see how you grow,
And come back to us smiling grandbabies in tow.
Don’t hurry to get there it’ll happen too soon,
But I’ll never forget how we’re now over the moon.
It was worth all the struggle, the heartbreak and pain,
We waited for Bumble and along you both came.

The ever-so-elusive baby shower

And I’m out of hospital just in time for my baby shower! The following weekend, when I’m 31 weeks and 2 days pregnant, is the long held date for the event we really weren’t sure we’d ever come to see.   I’m shocked that I’m actually pregnant and am having a baby shower of my own after heart-breakingly attending so many others over the years, and I’m doubly shocked that I’ve managed to stay out of hospital and stay pregnant with the boys long enough to make it to the big day.

Two of my dearest friends have organised the event and I know nothing except that I’m to turn up at a lovely restaurant on the waterfront at 3pm for high tea. Turns out I’m one of the first to arrive (so unlike me!) and it looks amazing! We have a semi-private room in an enclosed balcony; a long table in the sunshine with a view out over the harbour. The table is decorated with ribbons, little blue prams, blue baby shower ornaments, and two giant bottles – one filled with jube lollies for my husband and one filled with Pineapple Lumps for me (and if you don’t know what Pineapple Lumps are you need to find out and get some in your life!)

There’s already a pile of presents in the corner and this grows and grows (both with baby shower presents and with hand-me-downs) as the guests trickle in. It’s a really nice group of people – much of my family, and some of my oldest friends. We order tea and are bought out tiered trays of delectable food. It’s totally surreal and I find myself in a bit of a daze for the first 45 minutes or so as I just can’t believe this is ours – a party to celebrate the gorgeous boys that are finally in my tummy.

Of course, being a baby shower, there must be games. Firstly a sock game where you need to pair and fold as many baby socks as you can within the 20 second time frame. While this is occurring there are two ‘twin’ quizzes – match each celebrity with the names of their twins, and tick who of another list of celebrities is a twin and who isn’t. We’re in teams of two and the quizzes are hard! I’m not much one for gossipy magazines or anything so I have next to no clue. My brother-in-law and I take a guess at most of them and I’m pleased to say we take out the prize. I also take out the sock game with 10 socks paired and folded…yep, I’m totally ready for kids, hahaha!

The next few hours are spent eating, drinking (many with champagne but not me), and chatting. The food is fantastic and the company even better. I’m told I have to open the presents there and then which makes me a little nervous as I hate being the centre of attention. We’ve been utterly and ridiculously spoiled by our amazing friends and family, and I feel so grateful to have them all in our lives. I surprise myself by not crying, despite coming close a couple of times, but truth be told I do only skim over the cards as I know they’ll set me off. I settle down later at home where I can remove my makeup, and am free to bawl, to reread them properly.

Around 6pm people start to leave, kids to get home to etc. My husband and his Dad come into the restaurant to join us for a drink then we head home too. It’s been an absolutely amazing (and surreal) day and I just can’t put into words how much it has truly meant to me. CI and CB, thank you so much for organising it. And to all our friends and family who could make it, thank you so much! You all mean the world to us and I wish I could properly express how lucky we are that you are part of our lives. We love you all dearly.


Time for an update

Wow! Time is flying so fast! I can’t believe it’s a month since my last blog post. Things have been super busy both at work and at home and, with me feeling like bed around 8pm every night, there hasn’t been much time for writing. It’s definitely time for an update!

I’m back to eating most foods…well, not quite most – I still struggle a lot with any form of dairy, and raw food isn’t so good either, but as long as I’m avoiding the lactose and eating warm foods I’m doing really well on the eating front and am putting on weight (finally). I have to say I actually look forward to dinner-time now!

We’ve made it to (and past) the 24 week viability milestone – YAY! So at least I can relax a little knowing if the boys decide to arrive now, they have a pretty good chance at surviving and living a ‘normal’ life. Another bit of the massive weight on my shoulders falls away. People laugh when I say “I just need to get to/past x and I’ll relax” – “you’ll never relax” they say – but I find as we pass each little milestone I chill out just that little bit more, knowing that we’re one step closer to our long-held dream being realised.

We’ve also started setting up our nursery which, being an infertile in denial that this is actually happening to us, is a massive deal! We finally, after much drama, have two cots that we like; we purchased one second hand then tried to buy another from the same site to match, only it was sold under the wrong model name so didn’t match at all….something we would normally complain about, only the second cot was the style I’d really wanted right from the beginning of our TTC journey so we decided to sell the first cot and buy another to match the second cot. We tried to find one on the same buy-and-sell website but couldn’t, so made the decision to just buy it new as I’d found a good deal at one of our local shops.

Very excitedly we purchased our new cot and took it home, only to find that the company had decided to change the design of the model, so despite the fact that it still had the same model name, it now looked different and our cots STILL didn’t match! Tired and emotional (hey! I’m pregnant I’m allowed!) I threw in the towel and told my husband to just go and buy another new one and we’d sell BOTH the second hand cots. We’ve managed to get rid of one and are still in the process of selling the other. What a stressful, expensive, and time-consuming exercise that turned out to be. I wish I’d just bought them new to start with!

Our nursery also now contains a change-table (bought with a voucher my husband was given upon leaving his job of 11 years to start another and which luckily matches our cots, woohoo!), a bouncer (gifted from a friend who no longer needs it), a cool little canvas toy bag (bought from a local baby market), books, our stroller, one of our car capsules (one is still on order from the supplier), and various other bits and pieces lovingly donated by friends. We also plan to pop an armchair in there for the night-time feeds and/or story-time as they grow. Everything is slowly coming together….now to get onto the truckload of washing I have to do for them and load up the wardrobe!

As I mentioned at the start of this post, work has been really busy, so much so that I haven’t really had any time to work on/complete my handover notes. At least I’ve started them though so that’s something, and they’ve appointed someone to take over from me for 13 months which is great! I need to get cracking on the notes as my handover officially starts in two and a half weeks, with me finishing up work in four and a half, EEK!

The hectic nature of work at the moment, while great from a mental perspective, is becoming quite challenging physically. I find I’m getting really tired by early- to mid-afternoon, and am absolutely exhausted by the time I get home at night. This isn’t helping much on getting stuff done around the house as I basically arrive home, collapse on the couch for an hour while my hubby makes dinner (yep, I’m one of those lucky girls who doesn’t have to cook), eat, then hop into bed somewhere around 8pm. It’s crazy. The guys at work have been really understanding though and are letting me work more flexible hours. This means I can come in a bit later in the morning or leave a little earlier in the day without too much bother. I still need to get my work done though so I can’t do that all the time!

The last thing worth mentioning from the last 4 weeks or so is that I’ve really started loving my body. Not that I didn’t before, it’s just that being someone who’s conscious of their weight, I was always a little worried as to how I’d react as my tummy grew bigger. After our long journey to get pregnant I knew I be happy regardless, but what’s surprised me in a positive way is just how insanely happy I am to watch my tummy grow and how excited I am that this weight gain and expanding middle is our lovely wee boys growing away inside me. Not to mention feeling their little kicks and movements getting stronger all the time! It’s way more exhilarating than I could ever have imagined and I LOVE IT!!!

So that’s pretty much it, weeks 22 to 26 (well, 26 in two days time). Things are slowly beginning to feel more real, we’re slowly starting to get more organised, and I’m loving life! After 4 years of heartbreak and failure, this is one of the best feelings ever.


Progress

22 weeks now and the morning sickness has nearly entirely gone. There are still certain foods and drinks that will set me off, and certain things I’m averse to eating (still no cravings yet), but on the whole I’m feeling a million times better than I was even two weeks ago.   I’ve started exercising again, with my first pregnancy yoga class (TOTALLY different to the yoga I’m used to doing) last week, and I’ve purchased a flutter/kick board so I can take up swimming too.

My belly has well and truly started to show now and seems to increase by the day, which is just awesome! The boys are also reasonably active and I’m absolutely loving feeling them move inside me. In fact, I can almost say I’m enjoying being pregnant at the moment. It’s amazing what getting rid of nausea and vomiting will do! Combined with the reassurance of a growing belly and movement of course. If I could just kick the last of the food/drink issues this would be fantastic!

After four years of TTC failure I’m still battling with the emotional side of being pregnant. I’m almost constantly terrified things will go wrong, and still get upset by other people’s ease of conception…don’t even get me started on pregnancy announcements. It’s not that I’m not happy for others, and I’m certainly grateful for the position we’re currently in, but the wounds of infertility run deep and it will take a long long time to get to the point where my scar tissue is thick enough to withstand the pain of witnessing something that theoretically should have come easily for us.

I’ve started actively listening to music again and after months of not singing at all, I’ve resumed my habit of singing along to songs (mostly as I drive around). I’ve been playing a fair few songs off my ‘infertility soundtrack’ and funnily enough they still make me cry – like I said, the wounds run deep. What has surprised me is that other songs (such as Netsky’s remix of Skream’s ‘Anticipate’), which I thought would make me smile, now also make me cry. Bloody whoremones.

On the home front we’ve started getting things organised (albeit very slowly) for the boys arrival. Clearing out cupboards and other storage areas to make room for the copious amounts of baby paraphernalia that seems to accompany having children, and sorting other household things into more logical areas to not only make more space but to get a head start on making the house safer for young children – yes, I know we’re a wee way off having to worry about that but I figure we won’t have a lot of time on our hands once the boys arrive.

We’ve 95% decided on first names. They both start with the same letter, which was something we were trying to avoid, but after completing the name battle (writing all our name options down, selecting two names at random out of a hat, and each voicing an opinion on the name we liked better – if we both agreed the losing name was thrown out, if we disagreed the names went back into the hat to do battle with another name) these were the two names we both liked best. Even better, they’re still our preference nearly a month down the track – as someone who gets bored easily, finding names we’d continue to like was always a worry…hopefully they keep on lasting!

We’ve joined the local Multiples Club, attended a new parents evening to learn what they do, and been matched with a ‘multiples buddy’ (another member of the club with older twins who can help support us through both pregnancy and the early days) through them. It was on our buddies advice to “get that nursery ready!” that we’ve started buying some more of the things we’ll need for our bubbas arrival. We’ve got two cots (friends are lending us Moses baskets for the early days), a change table, a double stroller, and various other bits and pieces.

We’ve opted for a mixture of new and second hand, and have HEAPS of hand-me-downs from friends and family too. After test-driving a friend’s in San Diego, I’d decided on our stroller before we’d even got pregnant, so that was the one thing I didn’t want to compromise on. Unfortunately for us you can’t get them in New Zealand so after a bit of plotting, planning and some well timed luck in the form of a work conference in Australia, I managed to get one delivered to our office in Sydney and collected it when I went over for work. After trying to wrestle three large boxes from the storage area to the lifts, I eventually admitted defeat, set the thing up in the middle of the office, then commenced my “crazy lady” act by wheeling an empty stroller through half a kilometre of Sydney’s CBD to my hotel.

Another thing we did was sign up and go along to a workshop on sustainable parenting, which was absolutely fantastic! The environment and sustainability are things we give a shit about and, although we’re not total greenies, we do try to do our bit (reusing, recycling, composting etc.) to help out. Anyway, this workshop was right up my alley. The first half focused on cloth nappies, something I’m determined to try and use at least a little bit despite most of the people I know laughing at and attempting to discourage me. Even if I just use a few a week it’s still less disposables that end up in a landfill.

It’s been interesting all the people who have poo-pooed the idea of us using cloth nappies, especially with twins. I’m under no delusions, I know it will be tricky at times and will require extra washing etc. but you know what? If people actually read the instructions of disposable nappies they’d realised they’re supposed to empty out their contents before throwing them away (yes, you’re supposed to flush that poop down the toilet before those nappies go in the bin, because honestly, human excrement in a rubbish bin? Would you take a dump in your trash can?!?). And if you’re going to do that then there’s not much difference between chucking the diapers in your garbage and popping them in a bucket for one extra load in the washing machine.

Anyway, we learned all about landfills and how they work (and funnily enough it’s not the pretty 1970’s idea of the dump that most people have in theirs head – you know, where it’s safe to stroll around and drop stuff off, or maybe pick stuff up if you’re that way inclined. Real landfills are toxic wastelands where nothing ever discomposes). We were then taught about the different types of cloth nappy there are, how they evolved, and the pros and cons of each. And finally, the last half of the seminar focused on the various ways we can reduce our waste production and packaging consumption, and a few different products that are available to help us do that.

The nice thing was that the workshop wasn’t sponsored by anyone (other than our local council – supporting their goal to be waste free by 2040) so there was no pushing of products or brands, it was just a display of, and interaction with, the things that the presenter (The Nappy Lady) had come across in her day-to-day life that had personally helped her reduce waste. And on top of all the stuff we learned, we were given packs of cloth nappies (three different types) to keep. It was a great session and I’d recommend it to anyone who has a chance to go, parents or otherwise. You can check the sessions out at www.thenappylady.co.nz.

Waste reduction, organisation, connections, decisions, and expansions. 22 weeks now and things are looking up. 2 weeks left until “viability”. Hang in there boys, we got this.

 

A snippet of the ‘Anticipate’ lyrics that have been making me cry recently:

I can’t wait to meet you
And I know and I know
I’ll have to learn how to teach you
I need to let the fool in me go
I’m gonna work like crazy
Give you everything you need
Build the world that you will see
I will see you soon
I will be waiting at the other end
Take your time coming through
You will never have to do this again
I will show you all
Lessons I´ve learned will have to guide
I’ll come running when you call
But for now, just stay inside

 

 

 


Surprise! (written 5th March 2015)

It is officially the longest morning of my life. I’m slightly nauseous as I wake but can’t decide if it’s from lack of sleep, anxiety about today, or morning sickness. I’m awake early which doesn’t help, but even the last hour from 9:15am until we leave for the clinic seems to take a lifetime. I can’t find enough to keep me occupied and spend a good deal of time swinging on one of the barstools in the kitchen telepathically sending messages to the clock to tick faster.

Eventually it’s time to leave. My hubby’s excited but I’m more nervous than I’ve ever been and on the verge of tears. We only live 5 minutes’ drive away from our clinic so before long we’re pulling into the carpark and heading up in the lift. It’s only a short wait before our doctor comes out to get us and with shaking legs I follow him into his office. He knows I’m nervous so doesn’t delay, “scan first, then we’ll talk” he says.

It’s still early days so it’s an internal ultrasound this time rather than the gel on the tummy number. One final date with dildocam (I hope). I lie there with my pants off waiting for the machine to start up and praying to the universe for a good result. Finally it’s time. The ultrasound wand goes in and my doctor exclaims “Well straight away I can tell you that there are two sacs.” I gulp, please let there be a heartbeat in at least one of them.

He has a closer look. “Yes, there’s the first heartbeat” he says, and I look at my tiny Bumble’s heart flickering away like a little moth on the screen. I’m trying hard not to cry. My baby is alive. It’s amazing, exciting, fear-inducing and surreal all at the same time. “Now let’s see if we can find the other one. It seems ‘the other one’ is a little trickier with the sac tucked right up in the uterus where it’s hard for the ultrasound wand to reach. A moment later he’s found it though and there’s little Bee’s heart fluttering away as well. We’re having twins.

My husband is supposed to be filming this but he’s so caught up in the moment that I have to frantically gesture to him to capture at least some of it on his phone. Our doctor takes a few screen shots, including one with both our babies in the frame, and then it’s done. Hubs and the doctor leave and I get dressed with shaking hands then head out to chat.

We get the usual warnings that it’s still early days, that things are riskier with twins, about vanishing twin syndrome. However our doctor does add that with such a young donor (21), and the good condition the embryos and sacs appear to be in, that our chances of carrying them right the way through to somewhere near a twins full-term (38 weeks) is good. Our chances of miscarriage have now theoretically dropped to 5-10% per embryo. My fingers are crossed.

I’m still in total shock. Our doctor is asking me questions about the medication I’m on and how many embryos we have left in the States and I’m struggling to answer. I feel as though I’m moving in slow motion. We collect information booklets from the nurse and then we’re off home to let the news sink in and start sharing the news with our family and close friends.

My mum squeals then bursts into tears, my hubby’s mum has more of a philosophical approach to it, my siblings are somewhat disbelieving and excited. I tell the friends that ask, sending them just two baby face emoticons in a text. Everyone is stoked and so are we, although we’re both still in daze of amazement. We have heartbeats. Plural.


Telling the others (written 20th February 2015)

Having this blog, and everyone knowing we’ve been to San Diego and why, means we don’t have the luxury of the 12 week grace period most fertile couples have, so we have to devise fairly quickly a plan on who we’re going to tell and how. We want to tell people in person which also adds to the difficulty of the situation but we manage to pull together a bit of a plan and set about getting the various bits and pieces we need for it.

We’ve told Mum on Friday night, as mentioned in an earlier post. Saturday morning we have brunch with two of our good friends who have recently gone through IVF themselves. I’m nervous as anything as we wander towards the café, unsure how to hold it in and fit it naturally into the conversation. I don’t last long. After a brief chat about how we’re doing, I’m asked how I’m sleeping. “Not so well this week,” I reply “But quite good last night because we got a positive result yesterday.” Cue tears and hugs and congratulations. It was hard not to get too emotional as we’ve wanted this moment for so long!

On to Sunday. As soon as we got our positive result on the Friday afternoon I started trying to tee up a catch-up with some of my close friends. These four girls have been amazingly supportive over the last few years, making sure we’re ok, checking up on us, one was even our donor in our last cycle, I need to tell them soon as I can. I send out a group text “Argh! This wait is absolutely killing me. I need some distraction. Anyone free for a cuppa over the weekend or dinner early next week or anything? Save me!” Trying to play it cool. And a date is locked in for Sunday afternoon.

I’d bought a little gemstone inscribed with an inspirational word for each of them and my plan had been to give the stones to them as a thank-you for supporting us, then say “and I thought that every time you look at them from now on you can remember the moment I told you I was pregnant” (remember they’ve been waiting just as long as we have for this). Unfortunately it all turns a bit to shit and only half of them can make it but I go ahead with the plan regardless. I pick CI up from home and we head to a nearby café next to the beach. I manage to brush off any talk of our treatment by saying we have a blood test on Monday – it’s the truth, we do have one then, it’s just not our first one!

We arrive at the café but my other friend, D, is running late. We buy drinks and sit outside to wait for her, chit-chatting away about this and that. D arrives about 15 minutes later and we wander along the beach (talking about cars of all things!) before settling on a grassy bank overlooking the water. My heart is racing as I somewhat nonchalantly exclaim “Oh! Before I forget, I’ve got something for you two.” And the plan is kicked into action. I bust out my line and wait….”Oh good” they say, and a few seconds tick by, then “Wait! What?!? Are you???” Teeheehee. More tears and congratulations. I’m absolutely shaking. It’s so surreal finally being about to say this. Needless to say the rest of our conversation centres around babies.

An hour or so later I drop them both home and call my other friend, CB, saying I’m in her area and is she free for a cuppa. Luckily she is as CB is one of those exceptional friends who always goes above and beyond for you, and I can’t have the other girls knowing but not her. I pop in and chat while making tea, all the while wondering how I’m going to reveal my news amongst our conversation. She asks how I’m doing, and is my mind telling me anything, to which I reply that it doesn’t need to tell me anything because I’m officially pregnant. She has the same reaction as the other two, bewildered as the news sinks in, then it hits and again the conversation turns to babies and pregnancy. I’m enjoying this, for once I don’t feel like an outsider playing house in the baby arena.

The Sunday announcements continue as I nip home to collect my hubby then head back to my Mum’s to tell my little sister and Step-Dad. For my three siblings (and their partners/family) we’ve bought picture books and written a note from Bumble in each – something along the lines of “Dear Aunty/Uncle, Looking forward to you reading this to me. See you in nine months! Love Bumble”. Although they’re all slightly different.

For my younger sister we’ve purchased a ‘touch-and-feel’ Hairy Maclary hardback. She smiles as she reads the inscription, much happier than I thought she’d be at the news and gives us both big hugs. My Step-Dad also finds out at this time as he’d been away at a conference when we’d told Mum. Mum grabs the box we gave her on Friday and shows him (I can’t believe she’d managed to keep it quiet so long!). He’s going to be a Grandad and I think he’s stoked.

Onward to a family dinner at my Dad’s house. This really is the Sunday of announcements! My Dad’s not overly keen on young kids so for these two we buy a nice bottle of wine that should last a while and add the note “To Nana and Grandad, We know young kids can be a little annoying sometimes but hopefully you can enjoy drinking this with me in 18 years or so. See you in nine months. Lots of love, Bumble.” This we give to them before my brother and his partner arrive at the dinner.

For my brother and his partner we’ve bought ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ and give it to them just as we sit down at the dining table. They’re expecting news on the Monday as they know that’s when our test is, so this takes them by surprise as I reveal we did some home pregnancy tests then a sneaky Friday blood test. They both leap out of their seats in excitement and give us hugs, and we sit down to a lovely dinner.

Monday morning. It’s time to tell the two girls I work with. Like many of my friends, they’ve been with me through my many ups and downs. In fact, CH is one of the few people who has been there from the beginning. I remember her whisking an upset me off to a local café for a hot drink upon finding out that our second month trying (I know, four years later that’s laughable now!) wasn’t successful. I take a snapchat of the lab sign as I leave my morning blood test (2nd beta) and send it to them with the caption “Let the seven hour wait begin” to throw them off the scent, then head excitedly into work.

CH gets in about half an hour later and she’s not having a good day. We chat for a bit then I say “Oh! I’ve got something for you!” and grab her pressie out of my bag. “This is just to say thank you for always being there for me” I say, and hand it over to her. She slowly opens it. Inside I’ve wrapped a Pandora charm (a baby carriage) for her charm bracelet, and have written on a piece of origami paper in big black letters ‘I’m pregnant!’

She doesn’t even look at the charm, it’s in a wee Pandora bag, as upon reading the note throws everything onto her desk, yells “You’re fuckin shitting me!” at the top of her lungs, then bursts into tears as she leaps up to hug me. I’m half laughing, welling with tears, hugging her back as two of our HR team (who also know what we’ve been going through and read the blog) come running round to see what’s going on. They look at me raised eyebrows, “are you?”, I nod, and there are more hugs. I‘m nervous about telling so many people, feeling like I’m going to jinx it but it feels nice to be able to say this after four long years.

The other girl I work closely with is offsite at a meeting so I send her a sneaky snapchat of our digital pregnancy test that reads “pregnant”. Totally inappropriate timing as I know she’s still in the meeting, but I get a reply back almost immediately. “Yaaaaaaay!”

Next come my in-laws who have unfortunately been away on holiday so we’re unable to see them in person until the Monday night after our second blood test. They walk in the door knowing we have a result so there’re no surprises there (they figure we would’ve cancelled dinner had the result been negative). Nevertheless, we’ve bought them a book (The Very Hungry Caterpillar), included a note from Bumble in it, and popped it in a box with a photo of our positive digital pregnancy test. Despite already having a clue of the news we’re telling they’re super excited about the result.

Tuesday night I tell my mum’s best friend, primarily to give her someone to talk to about it (she cried, so cute) and while I’m there my other friend K (one of the girls I’d wanted to tell on Sunday) texts asking how things are going and when test day is.   So I give her a call and let her know the news too. She screams excitedly for a good minute or so, hehehe, we chat and hangup, and then I get a text through “Oh my goooooooooddddddddddddd!” I think she might be in shock. Hahaha. I love my friends.

I have to wait til Wednesday for my older sister to find out (the last out of my siblings) as unfortunately she lives five hours drive away. I obviously can’t tell her face-to-face so decide to make it total surprise and wrap up her picture book (In the Night Kitchen) and courier it down to her as soon as we get our blood results Monday (just in case it had all gone wrong by that stage). It takes a couple of days to arrive – useless NZ Couriers, so much for next day delivery! – and I get a call from her excited to be an Aunty to our Bumble/s.

At the same time I courier the book, I post a photo to my Aunty, Uncle, cousin and his girlfriend. I write nothing at all on or with the photo, merely address the envelope to them and put my sender address on the back. It’s a pic of our digital pregnancy test. It takes two days to arrive (same as the courier!) and we get a text Wednesday afternoon “OMG I can’t stop crying. So happy for you guys!!!!”

Over the next couple of days I fill in a few more of my friends at work and the leadership team (who I also work closely with) and everyone is absolutely stoked for us. It’s a bit scary telling so many people so early on but they all know what we’ve been through and half of them are asking, so it’s not like we can keep it from anyone. The good thing is I don’t feel weird about telling any of these people of a miscarriage or anything, should we be unlucky enough for that to happen for us, so that makes me feel a little more comfortable with people knowing. Fingers crossed we won’t have to tell them anything of the sort!


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