Category Archives: Morning sickness

Progress

22 weeks now and the morning sickness has nearly entirely gone. There are still certain foods and drinks that will set me off, and certain things I’m averse to eating (still no cravings yet), but on the whole I’m feeling a million times better than I was even two weeks ago.   I’ve started exercising again, with my first pregnancy yoga class (TOTALLY different to the yoga I’m used to doing) last week, and I’ve purchased a flutter/kick board so I can take up swimming too.

My belly has well and truly started to show now and seems to increase by the day, which is just awesome! The boys are also reasonably active and I’m absolutely loving feeling them move inside me. In fact, I can almost say I’m enjoying being pregnant at the moment. It’s amazing what getting rid of nausea and vomiting will do! Combined with the reassurance of a growing belly and movement of course. If I could just kick the last of the food/drink issues this would be fantastic!

After four years of TTC failure I’m still battling with the emotional side of being pregnant. I’m almost constantly terrified things will go wrong, and still get upset by other people’s ease of conception…don’t even get me started on pregnancy announcements. It’s not that I’m not happy for others, and I’m certainly grateful for the position we’re currently in, but the wounds of infertility run deep and it will take a long long time to get to the point where my scar tissue is thick enough to withstand the pain of witnessing something that theoretically should have come easily for us.

I’ve started actively listening to music again and after months of not singing at all, I’ve resumed my habit of singing along to songs (mostly as I drive around). I’ve been playing a fair few songs off my ‘infertility soundtrack’ and funnily enough they still make me cry – like I said, the wounds run deep. What has surprised me is that other songs (such as Netsky’s remix of Skream’s ‘Anticipate’), which I thought would make me smile, now also make me cry. Bloody whoremones.

On the home front we’ve started getting things organised (albeit very slowly) for the boys arrival. Clearing out cupboards and other storage areas to make room for the copious amounts of baby paraphernalia that seems to accompany having children, and sorting other household things into more logical areas to not only make more space but to get a head start on making the house safer for young children – yes, I know we’re a wee way off having to worry about that but I figure we won’t have a lot of time on our hands once the boys arrive.

We’ve 95% decided on first names. They both start with the same letter, which was something we were trying to avoid, but after completing the name battle (writing all our name options down, selecting two names at random out of a hat, and each voicing an opinion on the name we liked better – if we both agreed the losing name was thrown out, if we disagreed the names went back into the hat to do battle with another name) these were the two names we both liked best. Even better, they’re still our preference nearly a month down the track – as someone who gets bored easily, finding names we’d continue to like was always a worry…hopefully they keep on lasting!

We’ve joined the local Multiples Club, attended a new parents evening to learn what they do, and been matched with a ‘multiples buddy’ (another member of the club with older twins who can help support us through both pregnancy and the early days) through them. It was on our buddies advice to “get that nursery ready!” that we’ve started buying some more of the things we’ll need for our bubbas arrival. We’ve got two cots (friends are lending us Moses baskets for the early days), a change table, a double stroller, and various other bits and pieces.

We’ve opted for a mixture of new and second hand, and have HEAPS of hand-me-downs from friends and family too. After test-driving a friend’s in San Diego, I’d decided on our stroller before we’d even got pregnant, so that was the one thing I didn’t want to compromise on. Unfortunately for us you can’t get them in New Zealand so after a bit of plotting, planning and some well timed luck in the form of a work conference in Australia, I managed to get one delivered to our office in Sydney and collected it when I went over for work. After trying to wrestle three large boxes from the storage area to the lifts, I eventually admitted defeat, set the thing up in the middle of the office, then commenced my “crazy lady” act by wheeling an empty stroller through half a kilometre of Sydney’s CBD to my hotel.

Another thing we did was sign up and go along to a workshop on sustainable parenting, which was absolutely fantastic! The environment and sustainability are things we give a shit about and, although we’re not total greenies, we do try to do our bit (reusing, recycling, composting etc.) to help out. Anyway, this workshop was right up my alley. The first half focused on cloth nappies, something I’m determined to try and use at least a little bit despite most of the people I know laughing at and attempting to discourage me. Even if I just use a few a week it’s still less disposables that end up in a landfill.

It’s been interesting all the people who have poo-pooed the idea of us using cloth nappies, especially with twins. I’m under no delusions, I know it will be tricky at times and will require extra washing etc. but you know what? If people actually read the instructions of disposable nappies they’d realised they’re supposed to empty out their contents before throwing them away (yes, you’re supposed to flush that poop down the toilet before those nappies go in the bin, because honestly, human excrement in a rubbish bin? Would you take a dump in your trash can?!?). And if you’re going to do that then there’s not much difference between chucking the diapers in your garbage and popping them in a bucket for one extra load in the washing machine.

Anyway, we learned all about landfills and how they work (and funnily enough it’s not the pretty 1970’s idea of the dump that most people have in theirs head – you know, where it’s safe to stroll around and drop stuff off, or maybe pick stuff up if you’re that way inclined. Real landfills are toxic wastelands where nothing ever discomposes). We were then taught about the different types of cloth nappy there are, how they evolved, and the pros and cons of each. And finally, the last half of the seminar focused on the various ways we can reduce our waste production and packaging consumption, and a few different products that are available to help us do that.

The nice thing was that the workshop wasn’t sponsored by anyone (other than our local council – supporting their goal to be waste free by 2040) so there was no pushing of products or brands, it was just a display of, and interaction with, the things that the presenter (The Nappy Lady) had come across in her day-to-day life that had personally helped her reduce waste. And on top of all the stuff we learned, we were given packs of cloth nappies (three different types) to keep. It was a great session and I’d recommend it to anyone who has a chance to go, parents or otherwise. You can check the sessions out at www.thenappylady.co.nz.

Waste reduction, organisation, connections, decisions, and expansions. 22 weeks now and things are looking up. 2 weeks left until “viability”. Hang in there boys, we got this.

 

A snippet of the ‘Anticipate’ lyrics that have been making me cry recently:

I can’t wait to meet you
And I know and I know
I’ll have to learn how to teach you
I need to let the fool in me go
I’m gonna work like crazy
Give you everything you need
Build the world that you will see
I will see you soon
I will be waiting at the other end
Take your time coming through
You will never have to do this again
I will show you all
Lessons I´ve learned will have to guide
I’ll come running when you call
But for now, just stay inside

 

 

 

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19 weeks and gender revealing

So it’s been over a month since I last posted something. The morning sickness has continued, and although as of last week I’m not vomiting every day any more, I’m still nauseous and exhausted. It’s basically taking all my energy just to get through my normal work day, eat dinner and go to bed, which means there’s little room left for writing unfortunately.

It’s amazing how much energy being pregnant with twins takes out of you. Maybe it’s just me but I am knackered! By the time I get up and get set for work in the morning I’m about ready for another lie-down, by lunchtime I’m totally pooped, and by 3pm my eyes are closing at my desk and I’m really struggling to get my work done. It’s nuts! Luckily my hubby started a new job this week which means we now have two cars and I can leave work when I need to…not that I leave that early, I feel guilty finishing up too far from my normal ‘go’ time.

On top of feeling physically sick I’m also struggling (especially today) with the emotional side of being pregnant after infertility. While fertile friends, 4 days ahead of us in their twin pregnancy, are totally ecstatic and rushing around buying everything they can find, I’m still not quite able to believe that this is real, absolutely terrified that something is going to go wrong and we’ll chalk up another failed treatment to the endless infertility blackboard. There are so many extreme emotions.

I’m nervous things will go wrong, disbelieving that this could actually be our time, worried about every little twinge, distressed when there aren’t twinges, sad that the naïve joy of a fertile pregnancy has been stripped from us, then on top of all that I feel guilty for feeling all these things, knowing that there are so many still in the infertility trenches that would kill to be in my place.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. At 19 weeks tomorrow my belly is finally starting to grow and, although not quite looking pregnant all the time, I think I’m definitely coming out of that ‘eaten too many pies’ phase.   As someone who’s always been conscious of weight it’s nice to be able to enjoy watching my belly grow knowing that our two little miracles are pushing it outward. This is one thing infertility has given me, the ability to feel good about my changing body, with little care as to what I will look like post-birth (I do like to feel healthy though so I’m sure I’ll be back doing weights at the gym as soon as I have the time and energy after the twins arrive).

I’ve started feeling movements too which is reassuring. I felt my first tiny flutterings around 11 weeks (although I know most doctors will tell you otherwise!), with them becoming more and more frequent, until now they’re more solid taps than flutterings and quite predictable at certain times of the day (mainly when I’m lying down morning & night). This is something else I’m loving and I can’t wait until I feel them all the time and can tell who is who.

We’ve had two proper scans, at 16 and 18 weeks, and the bubbas were growing well and on track at both. At 16 weeks they were worried one of the placenta’s (twin B’s) was too close to my cervix but that seems to be righting itself (fingers crossed) as time goes on. Twin A’s placenta is anterior while Twin B’s is posterior (one front, one back) which probably means, although not definitely, that the majority of the movement I’m feeling comes from Twin B as they’re closer to the outside, without a placenta between them and my tummy.

We also found out the twins sex at our 16 week scan which was so exciting! And we’re having twin boys! The result wasn’t really what we were expecting, which seems weird I know. My initial feeling weeks ago was two boys but then I’d convinced myself we had one of each, so to hear ‘two boys’ came as a real shock. Both hubby and I were stunned into silence for a minute or two, and even finishing up the scan and booking our next one I was so amazed and excited that I was barely coherent. We are totally team blue!

I was so disbelieving, again I have no idea why, that I emailed the clinic in San Diego to ask them to confirm from our PGS tests that I’m indeed carrying boys. Funny eh! I also got them to send through the sexes of our remaining frozen embryos and it turns out we had an exact 50/50 split. So we’ve got another 2 boys, 4 girls, and 2 unknown/untested embryos waiting for us in the States. I keep teasing my hubby that we’ll go back for a girl although I’d always planned on only two kids (ah, those plans of a pre-infertile mind) but I guess I’d never say never to a third. Let’s just see how we go with these two first eh! Any embryos we don’t use we plan on donating – preferably to another couple in need.

Once we knew the sex we started planning our gender reveals. We weren’t hooked on a big gender reveal party, I guess because of all the stuff we’ve been through to get here, but I knew I wanted to surprise my mum in some special way and I’d always planned on a gender reveal gimmick for a small group of our friends who have supported us right from the start.

For Mum we got two boxes and put a blue helium balloon in each, then tied them up with blue and pink ribbon. Our announcement coincided nicely with Mothers Day so my brother, his partner, my younger sister and stepdad were there as well which was great. Mum was convinced we had one of each purely because we’d used both pink and blue ribbon on the boxes. Haha, fooled you! My Mum opened one box and my brother the other, both to squeals of delight. It was cool.

They were then sworn to secrecy as the gathering with our group of friends wasn’t for another whole week. We let the rest of our families know in the intervening days then prepared for the big reveal to the friendship group. I had the crazy idea to make cupcakes….it was a mission. I couldn’t find half my baking stuff so it was a bit of a makeshift job and took way longer than it should have. Still, we got there in the end and turned up to the party with a batch of cupcakes looking plain on the outside but with little blue centres. We’d labelled half “Twin A” and half “Twin B” so half the group would find out one twins sex and the rest of the group the other twin.

Gender reveal cupcakes

Having sent a photo of the cupcakes (above) to a couple of my girlfriends pre-party, excitement was running high. At least one of the kids had already voiced their opinion “I don’t want a pink one!” Eventually it was time for the reveal. The kids all gathered around the dining table, were handed a cupcake each and told not to eat them until we said “Go!”. “3, 2, 1, go!” and the kids were away. I think the adults got a bit frustrated as the children were politely nibbling away at the outside, so a couple of the parents jumped in to rip them open.

“Twin B is blue!”

“Ooooooo! What’s twin A? Who’s going to yell out Twin A?

“Twin A! They’re both boys!”

Cue squeals and applause. It was awesome and I’m so glad we filmed it. Perhaps almost cooler was the video I received about a week later from one of the crew. Her son was playing ‘gender reveal’ by putting coloured discs into teacups – “if we’re having a boy it’s red….and if it’s a girl it’s pink.” Too cute!

So two boys it is and I think that’s actually starting to sink in. Let the preparations commence!….that is if I can bring myself to accept things will go right for once.


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